Fractured
by rebelliousflower89
Summary: Will Beckett finally tell Castle that she remembers? Set after Eye of the Beholder. It's now complete! Hope people like it. Read and review, pretty please.
1. Chapter 1

As we walked to Remy's, I kept looking at his face, his ear and his dark amazing hair. I wanted to reach up and touch his hair but I told myself no. I wonder what my life would be like if I was impulsive. Do I dare be impulsive? Maybe…I would be happier, more fulfilled. Suddenly, he looked over at me, his blue eyes see through my green. He can see my soul and that scares me.

"What?" he asked genuinely curious.

"Nothing…" I replied. I focused my eyes to look in front of me, the diner coming closer and closer into view.

"Oh, I think it was something."

Quick, come up with something, anything to distract him. Milkshake. "I'm going to have a chocolate milkshake. What are you going to have?"

"Milkshakes, huh?" he replied incredulously but he answered anyway, "the same."

Finally, we were inside the diner. He walked over to the usual booth. The familiarity feels like home. He is home. He loves me and I…

"So, Beckett, how many times did you model?"

I smiled but tried to hide it. He's thinking of me naked. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know, Castle?" I teased.

"I would." He made direct eye contact with me, letting me know and see his love but also his lust for me. I should tell him I remember, I should let myself be vulnerable, a feeling I loathe. I'm comfortable behind the wall but am I happy?

"Kate, what are you thinking about?"

My first instinct is to evade, to remain opaque, unclear and mysterious. I remained quiet. Luckily, the waitress came to our booth. "The usual?" We nodded. See, we even have a usual. People see it, he sees it and I see it.

"I remember…" I muttered my voice lighter than a whisper. His eyes followed the movement of my lips. I said it again. Louder this time, mostly to myself but I wanted him to know. "And I stayed."

"Kate…" he grabbed my clammy, nervous hand from across the table and his eyes said everything I felt but I opened my mouth anyway.

"I love you…more than a morning cup of coffee. I've loved you for a while now but I am scared. I know I want you but I want you to have all of me and I'm not all here yet. I'm fractured. You make me want to be happy but I don't know how since my mom was killed. I've pushed you away but I've also pushed you to say how you feel. I selfishly wanted you to put yourself out there while I hid. It's not fair…I'm sorry..." tears fell down my face slowly like they too wanted to hide. Castle got up and sat next to me. I leaned into him blocking all the no's inside my head. He put his arm around me, holding me with his strong sturdy arms. He's been my rock for three and a half almost four years. What does he get out of the deal?

"What do you get?" I abruptly asked.

"You and that's enough. You are amazing. You make me speechless on a regular basis and you know how much I like to talk." He smiled.

"I will always love you." I whispered.

"I know."


	2. Chapter 2

I was standing near an autumn yellow tree. I was surrounded by white fog and my bare feet standing on the cold marble floor. In the distance, a figure was coming closer and closer to me. He had dark hair and a tall, muscular body. A body I have gotten used to seeing daily. "Rick." He's walking faster towards me but he remains quiet. It's almost as if he can't hear me, I yell again, "Rick!" He's still about fifteen yards away. He says nothing, instinctively I feel like he'll never reach me. "Rick! Rick!" I become in a full blown panic. He's approaching but not as fast as before. He's lethargic. "Rick!"

"Kate. Wake up. Kate!"

"Yeah…" disoriented and blind, I replied. Then it hit me, Rick's voice. I'm at Castle's.

"You were having a nightmare. You kept yelling my name. It took ten minutes before you said anything."

"Sorry I woke you. " I moved closer to him, putting my head on his solid shoulder. He's here next to me. Finally, I had told him. His lips kissed my hair softly, I looked up at him. I moved closer so my lips reached his. It was a tender kiss filled with solace.

Suddenly, my cell rang, "Beckett. Ok, I'll be there." I looked at Rick; all I wanted to do was lay back down in his arms. "You comin'?"

"Murder at five a.m.? Guess the early bird got the worm."

"Guess so."

"Short breakfast?"

"Don't have time. Let's just get coffees and bearclaws."

He got up and went over to his walk-in closet. I followed him so I could watch him pick his clothes. I wonder if he'll be casual or suited up. He's hotter when he's rugged, wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a five o'clock shadow. "Don't shave." I said it quietly but he still heard me.

"I won't. Do you want to change? You could wear my clothes or borrow something from Alexis or Martha. They wouldn't mind."

"Nah, I'm good, I have a change of clothes at the precinct. Thanks though."

"Why, Detective is there an occasion where you're not prepared?"

"Hurry up, will you?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Lanie, COD?" she squatted near the dead male, analyzing the stab wounds.

"Well, he was stabbed four times in the chest but the COD is actually strangulation. See the rope fibers on the neck?"

"Yeah…why would the murderer stab our vic if he was already dead?"

"Beats me, Hun. Advanced hatred?"

"OK, let's get CSU to go over the crime scene. Esposito and Ryan, find the next of kin. What's the vic's name?"

"No ID. No wallet. Nothing probably got robbed." Lanie moved his jacket, "look, his pockets are out. Definitely robbed. "

"Castle, what do you make out of this? You've been awfully quiet."

"I don't know…it doesn't make much sense. The killer strangles the vic and then stabs him four times postmortem. There's obviously a story here, but where do we start? We don't know who the vic is."

"I guess, we hope for a lucky break. Let's go to the precinct and wait for CSU's report. Thanks, Lanie."

…

"I told Castle I remembered his confession…"

"What happened next?" he asked.

"We went to his place. He held me until I fell asleep. We didn't have sex."

"What do you want out of this relationship? What has changed? What made you tell him?"

"I want…him but I want him to have someone who is worth his time, who can be there as much as he's there for me…I can't give him everything he gives me."

"Maybe you offer more than you think."


	4. Chapter 4

We still didn't have the name of the victim and Gates was up our asses. We ended up releasing a photo of the deceased hoping that someone would identify him. It's already been two hours since the photo was released and still no leads. Castle is sitting next to me in his chair and I keep looking at him. A part of me wants to get up and kiss him silly but Gates…and the fact I'm supposed to be professional is stopping me. Sometimes being responsible is a pain in the ass.

He's the sweetest man I've ever known. I'm blessed to have him here. His books were always a comfort to me and now the man behind them is. He knows me, he knows me, and I keep denying it because I can't let myself get close. My job could kill me and I know the pain of losing someone so close to you in the name of justice and I don't want to do that to Castle. I almost died in front of him and I'm scared that I'll see those lost eyes beg me to stay. What if I'm not able to stay next time? I don't want him to feel that pain…but I know I love him. He's right I could be happy.

My mom would tell me to open my heart to him. I know that for a fact because the last time we went ice skating, she told me to follow my heart. She emphasized the importance of it, telling me no matter what my heart tells me, it never lies to me. She told me to follow my instincts and to be true to my feelings. At the time, I just nodded and told her I will, but as I look back on my life, I've been lying to myself ever since her death. If it had been my dad that was murdered, she would tell me to enjoy my life with Rick. To live my life, for goodness' sake, she would know I would never give up on finding justice but she would lecture me for weeks. And when I'd finally do give in to her advice, she would gladly tell me I told you so. I know my dad doesn't want to lose me and he wants me to be happy. I'm happiest with Rick…

The phone rings loudly, "Beckett. Are you sure it's him? Robert Crost, he's a middle school teacher at P.S. 345. Thank you." I hung up the phone. "That was just an anonymous tip that the vic is Robert Crost, a seventh grade shop teacher." I grabbed my cell to text Esposito and Ryan to look up Robert Crost's family. "We should go to the middle school and question his colleagues." Castle stood up and walked next to me out of the precinct.

…

"Did Robert have any disagreements or altercations with coworkers, students or parents that you know of?" I questioned a forty something red headed woman wearing conservative clothing.

She seemed to hesitate before answering, "Uh, I don't know…ask Mr. Calisto. He would know." Her eyes told me she knew more than she was letting on but I decided not to push it. She looked like she had a lot on her mind.

"Where do we find, Mr. Calisto?"

"Room 23, down the hall and make a right, first door on the left side."

"She seemed distracted." Castle said.

"Yeah, she's hiding details. Let's see what Mr. Calisto says. And make theory from there."

The hallways were filled with flags of the world each having posters directly beneath them with the country's stats and facts. It was the school's attempt at diversity awareness. Teachers had instructed them to explore the cultures through almanacs and encyclopedias, without providing interesting visual or experiential learning. Finally, we reached room 23; Mr. Calisto sat behind the bureau intensely grading papers.

"Mr. Calisto? I'm Detective Kate Beckett and this is Richard Castle. Can we ask you questions regarding Robert Crost?"

"What about him?"

"He was found murdered this morning. Do you know if he had anybody that wanted him killed?"

"Ex-wife, disgruntled parents, students?" Queried Castle with that curious cute face of his.

"Uh, yeah, a couple of weeks ago, I overheard an altercation with a parent, I assume it was a parent. It was a yelling match. It was after school and I was on my way out. I didn't pay much attention to what was said but the last thing I heard was, 'how could you do that!' I didn't know what to think of it. I figured it had something to do with grades but a rumor started a week later. It was passed from the students so no one took it seriously."

"The rumor was?" I asked impatiently.

"He abused a student."

"This wasn't taken seriously because…?" glared Castle incredulously.

"Students make up rumors like that all the time. All of them prior to this were false and there was no proof."

My stomach clenched at the thought of a child being hurt this way. It was painful that no one took his accusation seriously. No wonder our 'vic' was murdered. A lump in my throat formed as I said, "Do you know the name of the child?"

"Stephen Knolle."

"Thank you." I wrote the name down and walked swiftly out of there. Castle caught up to me, grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Kate…" he whispered. I looked into his eyes, blinked, tears streamed down my face. I hate this.

"I can't. I need to go outside." He put his arm around my shoulder as we both walked out of the school. I couldn't help it, I broke down. I haven't had a rape case in a while and it happened to a child. I fell to my knees, these emotions scared me but I let them happen. Castle put his arms around me, holding me tight to his chest. I could hear his heartbeat. The rhythm started to calm me. I stopped crying and my lips found his. The kiss was gentle at first but my passion took over, I needed to feel better, I needed a moment of bliss in the midst of despair and emptiness that this job can carry. He is my comfort and my constant. "I love you." I gasped and we stopped kissing and looked at each other for a moment before I put my arms around him in the most embracing hug I've ever shared with anyone.

"I love you always." He promised. We moved to lie on our backs and he let me rest my head on his shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: Thank you for all your reviews, alerts, favorites and just simply giving this story a glance. Please feel free to give advice or input by reviewing or just share your thoughts with me. I'd love to know what they are. Sorry it's been a while since I wrote a chapter, it's been a hard week to say the least.**

**Disclaimer: I do not claim these characters as my characters no matter how many times I wish I had come up with this EPIC show, or how I wish only to be a part of it. Still, it's not mine…sigh…**

Ever since I met Castle, he has changed who I am. He got me to open up to him. I haven't accepted these changes in me until he told me he loved me and I started therapy again. My therapist dissects my fears and makes me realize what I've always known: my feelings are real and I have a right to act on them. Conceptually, I know this. Emotionally, I forget.

I still can't believe I broke down in front of him. I could tell Stephen had been raped by the look Mr. Calisto gave me, I've seen it before. The previous case had broken my heart. As a cop, I try so hard to keep my emotions in check. Castle brings it out of me and that scared me at first but now it's getting easier because he's always there for me. I no longer have to face it alone. It still terrifies me but coping has gotten easier as well. I can almost face the darkness and be ok. When I'm around him, there's a veil of safety.

After we left the school, Castle drove me home. It was after five anyway and I was so emotionally drained. He kissed me goodbye and I decided to run a bath. Before I got in I grabbed Heat Rises and a glass of wine. The water is cold now and the bubbles have disappeared, I've been immersed for two hours now. Time went by really fast; Castle's book is engrossing but that goes without saying. I put on an oversized tee shirt and boxers.

My bed swallows me whole and that's when I realize how tired I am. I'm exhausted. I close my eyes and think of the bullet hole on my chest. My fingers go over the scar and I remember Castle, his strong arms wrapped around me, his hands were touching my face. Despite feeling my life slip away, he got my heartbeat to stay calm. His soft words of love filled my ears as tears fell down my cheeks. I wanted to stay awake for him, desperately wanted to be ok. I had thought I had more time but in life you never do.

Why did I tell him to go, he should've joined me in the bath. I could call him but what if he is spending time with Alexis. I don't want to take what little time they have together away. I could ask and see if he's with Alexis and if he is then tell him to stay with her. My hand reaches the night stand and fingers begin to search for my cell phone: my link to Castle. I find it, bring it into view and call Rick.

"Ah, Detective Beckett, thinking about me?"

"Actually I was. Are you spending time with Alexis right now or are you free?"

"Free and clear. Alexis has an early morning appointment with her guidance counselor tomorrow to get applications for Universities so she's prepping and going to bed early. Plus, tomorrow night is our father-daughter day. Can't sleep?"

"Just come over." I could feel the smile across his face; I heard it in his reply,

"Be there ASAP, Detective." His grin had to be devilish by now.

"Thanks."

"Always." He hung up. I closed my eyes and my mind thought of what it would be like to sleep with Castle. I've thought of it even before I read page 105 of Heat Wave his smile would haunt me at night. And at night, my mind gets cluttered with dirty, passionate thoughts. I can't help it, he's irresistible but I would never tell him that; can't have that cute ego of his get any bigger. His touch would be electric; I just know it would give me gooseflesh. Even the most innocent places that he would touch would become alive in ways I've never felt before.

_Knock, knock, knock, and knock._ He knocks in a rhythm so I know it's got to be him. He insists on creating his own personal knock to identify himself before I open the door. He doesn't want me to answer my door unless the knockers have an established secret knock, so even my dad, Lanie and the boys have one. I open the door, I take in his appearance, he's wearing a deep mahogany V-neck long-sleeved shirt and he's wearing dark blue checkered pajama bottoms. I smile, "Nice pajamas, Castle. They look comfy." I laugh, slightly mocking him but I do honestly think he's so cute.

"Thanks," he says as he walks in smiling. "So, what's up?" and he shuts the door behind him.

"Not much," I say coyly as I move closer to him. I grab both of his hands in mine. "Just…" I kiss him on his lips, my lips move along his jaw line until I reach his beautiful neck. He smells sweet and yet manly, I breathe him in as my tongue licks him.

His arms grab the back of my shoulders before his fingers explore down my back, his mouth nibbles lightly on my ear and then our lips meet again. The passion doesn't give up and neither do we. He picks me up, surprising me; I'm still kissing his neck as he carries me to my bedroom. He sets me down and I lay back, pulling him with me. He kisses me and he starts unbuttoning my shirt and he kisses me down my neck, his lips move in between my collarbone as he keeps moving south. He stops when he gets to the scar. He whispers, "I love you, Kate" his words send shivers down my spine; he can make me feel so good by just being here.

"I love you too." I whisper, barely audible but he looks into my eyes. His eyes so bright even in the dim light, he's reading me. He knows what to do next.

…

"Beckett." I answer groggily, I look over at the clock it's a little after 6. I need my coffee. Rick stirs next to me. It's Gates. "Yes, sir, I'll be there in 20 minutes."

"Another murder?" Rick asks sleepily.

"Yeah, at Desalvio Playground on Mulberry Street, it's Stephen." I say numbly. I walk into the bathroom before he has time to say anything, shut the door. I look into the mirror, my tired face looks back at me and I turn on the hot water. I hold my hands underneath, feeling the water burn before I decide to wash my face. I'm not ok but I have to go. I have to solve these murders and give something back to Stephen's family. Even if I can't give them much of anything, they've lost so much so far. What can I give them? Closure won't do anything. I can't bring him back. Castle opens the door slowly and walks in. He approaches me cautiously, waiting for me. I look at his face, I know he wants to hold me close but he also knows me. I'm not always ready to experience my pain with others, until now I just had me. I move closer, his arms are stretched out and I hug him. It lasts merely seconds before I walk out leaving him behind. I need to get dressed.

He follows me and says, "I'm going home to change, I'll meet you at the precinct."

"Ok." I didn't want him to leave but I kept that to myself. After all, he's just changing his clothes. My emotions were really starting to annoy the hell out of me. Before Castle, I would go to crime scenes alone and wouldn't feel like I needed anyone. Now, I need him.

…

I get out of the car; the misty fog hits my cheeks immersing them in icy dew air as I walk to the crime scene. Lanie is here already. She notices me and we look at each other. I can feel the sadness before I get to her. No matter how many times we've seen death, seeing a child's lifeless body in front of you is the worst. "What's the time of death?"

"Within 48 hours to 60 hours ago. Best guess, it happened around two a.m. three nights ago."

"COD?"

"Single GSW to the right chest, .38."


	6. Chapter 6

The elevator stops, I look up and watch the doors open. I look further into the precinct and see him sitting in his chair. I walk towards him.

"Here." He gestures the coffee into my hand and our fingers touch. The cup warms my hand. Castle smiles at me, and I immediately smile back at him. His smile is infectious just like his love. He has infected the wall slowly dissolving into rubble, leaving loose bits behind. If I'm completely honest with myself, half the wall is already gone.

"Thank you, Castle."

"You're welcome, Beckett. Any leads?"

"My instincts tell me that Crost killed Stephen, the question is where did he get Stephen?" I picked up my cell and dialed Esposito's number.

"Yo," was his quick response.

"Bring in Stephen's parents for questioning. Tell Ryan to go back to the school and get information about Stephen and Robert."

"Got it." He hung up. I walked over to the murder board and added Stephen to the victim spot. His small face saddened me. He had so much life to live. This was probably the worst year of his life and I'm supposed to find out who killed the child molester. In all honesty, he doesn't deserve an ounce of justice but he'll get it anyway if I do my job right. That's how the system works. Truth is we don't really know our victims, so who knows who is on the benevolent side of society's vast spectrum. Sometimes I wonder if I even make a difference. Those are the bad, pessimistic days I try to deny myself daily while looking at the murder board. That's why Castle is such a great distraction he adds humor so I don't cave into a deep negative depression. Also, Dr. Burke has been helpful at virtually removing most of my excuses for not being with Castle but I still have a hesitation to fully remove my armor.

"Beckett. Kate." Castle reaches over to put a strand of hair behind my ear and to get my attention.

"Yes?" I look at him slightly dazed from my endless thoughts of self-awareness.

"Stephen's parents are here."

"Oh." I replied dumbly and walked towards the thirty-something New Yorkers. The mother's eyes were puffy and red from crying and she had bags under her eyes. She certainly hasn't slept the last couple of days. Her eyes matched Stephen's brown ones and her hair was unruly and a dirty blonde tangled mess. Her counterpart looked no better. He looked emotionally drained and physically exhausted and I have to act like they are suspects for their son's teacher.

"I'm detective Kate Beckett. Let's go in here." I gestured towards the interrogation room's door. They followed, Castle closely behind them.

"I'm Richard Castle, by the way." He said to their sides as they took a seat, heads nodding.

"Where were you Tuesday at 10pm?"

"Are we suspects? I thought this was about Stephen's murder." Stephen's father dubiously asked.

"We were in bed."

"Can anyone verify that?"

"What do you think?" Sharp anger in his voice, he paused and continued quietly, "No one else was with us. No Stephen…no one."

"I'm sorry but we need to know who killed Stephen's teacher, Mr. Crost. We only suspect you because of what happened to Stephen." Castle said.

"So you know what that monster did to our son and you still don't know who killed our son? You put our son's murder on the back burner! I'm leaving. This is utter bullshit. Come on, Stephanie." He rose up and went straight to the door; he turned to look at his wife. She sat there unable to move, she nodded her head no and he left without her.

"Who do you think killed my son?"

"My instincts tell me it was Crost."

"I know it was him, I can feel it." Her cold stare getting under my skin, leaving behind guilt.

"Do you know any other enemies Crost had? Or people that would want to seek revenge against him?"

"Only gossip, apparently Crost was in a relationship with another teacher. All the kids were talking about it. Stephen told me that Kimberly overheard an argument between them after school. Kim said it was Ms. Green yelling at him. Green had heard about what he did to Stephen and she was so disgusted she had threatened to kill him. It was two days before Stephen disappeared."

"Who is Kimberly?" Castle asked.

"Stephen's friend and soccer teammate, her last name is Bellsario."

"You're free to go. Thank you for coming in. I'm deeply sorry about your son. Here's my card if you ever need to talk. I will find out who killed your son."

She left. Castle and I walked to my desk. Esposito and Ryan looked at us with anticipation. I needed a moment so I went to the bathroom. In front of the sink I stood looking in the mirror. I turned on the sink and splashed my face with cold water. I took a deep breath and grabbed a paper towel and wiped the water off.

"Esposito, Ryan, I need you guys to go question Kimberly Bellsario, she's a fellow student and she had overheard an argument between Crost and another teacher, Ms. Green. Also, she plays soccer with Stephen; maybe she saw who took him during practice. While you are doing that Castle and I will go talk to Ms. Green. She is the newest suspect for Crost's case."

"Sure, boss."

"Do you want to drive?" I asked Castle.

"Sure." He answered unsure if he had heard me right.

"Thanks."

"Thank you, I was beginning to wonder if you thought I couldn't drive."

"That remains to be seen." I smiled knowing he loved it when I teased him.


	7. Chapter 7

Turns out Ms. Green was the woman we had talked to the first day we went to the school. She confessed before I even opened my mouth. I made the arrest and went home early. Castle went home too it was father-daughter movie night.

"Amazing Grace/how sweet the sound/that saved a wretch like me/I once was lost but now am found/was blind/but now I see." I sang softly for Stephen. My fingers gently strummed the guitar; the notes were louder than my voice. I first learned this song for my mom. That's when I started learning guitar. I had to focus on something. I had always loved to sing, it is cathartic for me. I sing for me.

Suddenly, my phone rang. "Beckett."

"Hey, boss, just wanted to call and tell you that Lanie found evidence that Crost did kill him. Kimberly also saw the car that had took Stephen and it matches Crost's. Crost did kill Stephen. Want me to notify the parents or do you want to?"

"I'll call. Thanks, Espo. See you, Monday. Have a nice weekend and good work."

"Bye, Kate. Have a good weekend too." He hung up the phone and I dialed the Knolle residence.

"Hello?" it was Stephanie.

"This is Kate."

"The detective?"

"Yes. I'm calling to let you know that it was proven that Crost had killed your son." Stephanie started to cry eventually heaving sobs.

"T-thhh-anks for cccalling." She choked out.

"No problem. I'll let you go. My condolences." I heard the phone click, she hung up first.

Feeling absolutely drained I went to bed. I turned on the radio to fall asleep to. An 80's song filled my ears and I drifted away.

"Love of mine/someday you will die/but I'll be close behind/I will follow you into the dark…"

Knock, knock. I stopped singing and answered the door while thinking who would willingly wake up at five let alone come over to someone's place? I suspected Castle…

I opened the door and it wasn't what I suspected. Lanie was at the door looking rather dejected. "Lanie, what's wrong? Are you ok? Come in!" Lanie walked in tears streaking her beautiful face, she went straight to my kitchen and got a glass of water. I followed her after locking the door. "Hug?" She nodded. I instantly gave her a hug that lasted as long as she needed. I could feel the sadness emanating from her body. I looked into her eyes while waiting patiently for her to confide in me.

"My… mom, she died two hours ago. My sis-terr called me. I came over as soon as I could stop sobbing to see clearly…" Tears continued to streak down her face and when she finally told me what was wrong I started crying too. I know how she feels.

"Do you want to sit on the couch? I'll hold you if you want. I'm so sorry she's gone." I never know what to do when someone close to me needs comfort. I feel like I'm never doing enough. I don't know. I just want to give Lanie the comfort she needs. "I love you, Lanie." I grabbed her hand and led her to the couch. She sat on the couch first and I put my arms around her and held her.

Hours past and we both fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, I decided to make breakfast, it was eight-thirty. I made omelets and toast, poured us some orange juice. She started to wake up after the toast popped up from the toaster.

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you call Javi?"

"Of course. I made breakfast if you're hungry. I'm going to go in my room and get my cell."

I dialed his number and he answered immediately, "'ello?"

"Javi, will you come over to my place. Lanie's over and she needs you."

"I'll be there in ten."

"See you."

"Lane, he'll be here in ten." I said from the hall way on my way back to the kitchen. "Do you want me to bring you your food?"

"What did you make?"

"Omelets and toast with orange juice to drink or coffee if you want."

"Just bring me coffee and toast."

"Here you go." I sat next to her. "I'm really sorry you're going through this. Do you want me to do anything?"

"You're doing everything by being here and getting Javi." Her brown eyes were rimmed with shiny tears that wouldn't come down.

"I'll always be here."

Knock, knock. I got up to answer the door. Javi was finally here. He went straight to Lanie. "What's wrong, babe?"

"My mom died."

His arms wrapped around her so tightly, it was both heartwarming and heart wrenching. I hate seeing my friend so heartbroken.

"Lanie, do you mind if I go out to pick something up? I'll be right back." I asked her.

"Yeah, hun. I'm fine, I have Javi."

"Ok, call me if you need me and I'll come right back. I'll be back in a half hour."

I walked to elevator, knowing exactly where I was going. I got into my car and drove to the one place that held solace for me.

Finally at his door, I hesitate briefly because…is it his responsibility to make me feel better. I leave that question unanswered and I knock anyway despite my uncertain feelings.

"Why, Beckett, what brings you by this morning?"

"Lanie…" I stopped mid-sentence, overwhelmed with emotions, I started to cry. Lanie's pain brought back mine. Castle moved closer to me, leaning towards my face. He kissed my left cheek and then my right.

"What happened, is she alright?"

"Her mom…died last night." I choked out. "Will you come over with me? Javi and Lanie are at my place."

"Of course. I'm going to tell Alexis. Be back in a second." I stood there awkwardly anxiously waiting for him to return. Going through all these emotions is really annoying. Too many emotions, too much vulnerability. Lanie. I'm just so sorry, I thought to myself. I suck. I left her to get Castle. Selfish, much? She knows I love her and I guess, ultimately that's what counts. He was finally in front of me.

"Shall we go?" he asked.

I nodded yes. We walked silently to the car. In the car, I said, "I feel like I'm not doing enough to comfort her. I feel useless and helpless."

"You help more than you know."


	8. Chapter 8

The hot water ran down my body and steam surrounded me. Today is Lanie's mom's funeral. Rick was going to pick me up in an hour. Random thoughts kept invading my head, distracting me enough so I forget how many times I had put conditioner in my hair. I get out after fifteen minutes, blow dry my hair and put on the traditional black clothes.

I heard knocks from the door as I was walking to the kitchen to get some water to drink. I stop, turn towards the door, walking to answer the door. Rick was standing there. "Are you ready?" he asked with sadness in his eyes.

"Yeah."

We walked to the town car silently. Ten minutes passed and we were at the cemetery, the sun shining through the dark grey clouds. Castle brought lots of flowers and placed them on the casket. I walked over to Lanie, grabbing her hand tightly in mine. I watched the tears stream down her face and tears started to stream down my face as well. My eyes averted to her mother as the funeral began.

Later that evening, Castle invited me over for dinner at his loft. I agreed. We had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Martha and Alexis were at a spa in Miami for the next three days. He had a question for me and I gave him the answer we've been waiting for.

18 years later, I'm at my son's high school graduation. He looks just like his father. Nicole is sitting next to me with her eyes gleaming with pride towards her big brother, James. Rick on the other side of Nicole with Sara in his muscular arms. Sara is three months old. Lanie and Javier are here and Kevin and Jenny. Kevin and Jenny's daughter is also graduating today. Her name is Natasha. Jenny's pregnant with their second child, the baby is a boy. Javi and Lanie have a seven year old named Leo and five year old named Katie. I'm so proud of James and Natasha. I leaned over Nicole to kiss Rick.

"Mom! Dad!" She whined.

"Sorry, babe. I can't help myself."

Her little blue eyes roll in response as Rick laughs. The graduation ceremony finally starts.


End file.
